Dear Me
It felt as if you had drowned for a while...but here you are, rising again slowly above the water. I know it was not easy, but you need to ask yourself once in a while if growth and generally good results, ever come without a cold splash of water in your face. I think you know the answer.
It seemed that you had lost yourself for a while... not knowing what you were doing anymore, where you were going, how long this period was gonna last for and why you were feeling the way you were feeling in the first place. It was all a mess; you were quite a mess and you seemed to be pretty aware of it. Here is the good news though! In the beginning, you desperately searched for ways of getting rid of the shitty feeling, but along the way, you started to accept the situation as it was and embraced the mood you were yourself surprised to display towards yourself and towards others. Basically, you were acting chill about it and decided to let time do its healing magic. Happy ending right?
Truth is that you, my dear, were disappointed in yourself and this turned out to be the underlying problem. Disappointed because you were on a constant journey of self growth and development, wherein you were strongly abiding by some mindful practices which would not interfere with your mental well-being. And then, BOOM...There goes your mental well-being down the drain.
Do me a favor and next time when this happens, just smile and fuck it! You need to remember that life is all about ups and downs and that it is a journey of constant learning; learning to rise again and to be better for yourself! Key here is not to look back and remain stuck. I know you are probably laughing now as you always say " Easier said than done". Wouldn't hurt if you give it a try though, right? Just remember, whenever you feel stuck, acknowledge the situation and your feelings and go out of your house!! Go in the nature, get some fresh air, listen to the beautiful sounds out there and just let nature heal you; if you feel like being alone, this is the ideal environment to process your thoughts in silence; but I know you very well... you can't do this more days in a row, so go wild, get creative and spontaneous! Do things a little bit outside your routine in order to kill the little monster fooling you in your head!
Also, very important to remember; NEVER ever blame yourself! I know that you have the tendency to do that quite often, but honey, this is madness! Blaming yourself doesn't help at all and will only lead to an intoxicating bubble that you are a prisoner of; and it will be done with your own hands! Can't you see? You are scared to face the reality and accept the facts, and a way to make it look better, according to you, is to project a different reality, where you put the blame on yourself and decide to happily move on, as if nothing happened! " Oh, but it's my fault that this happened" ; "It's because of me that the vibes changed". This needs to stop cause it's not healthy and will mentally destroy you bit by bit, and you know it damn well girl!
I know you will eventually find your way back to your usual self. And again, it's not easy and it sucks; but you need to have faith as far as the healing process goes and to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing that is worthy in the end comes easy, does it? Most importantly, however, is that whatever you are experiencing, you need to be more understanding and patient with yourself. Growth takes time and so does healing . Always remember, that you are strong and capable of change at any moment; and no matter how many rocks will block your way, you will shily, yet confidently, remove them out of your way!
Almost forgot... BE PROUD of yourself and for every little step you take in your personal growth! You don't celebrate yourself enough and I think it's time you should! :)
