Finding your way again

I am awake enough. I am aware enough. I am responsible enough. I am mature enough.

I am growing every day.

I am making my own decisions based on what I know is best for me.

I am recovering.

But here I am walking in the rain…again. It’s not enough for me to just gaze on the window; I need to smell the rain; to feel the rain drops on my skin…I need to feel alive again. It is funny how invincible I feel when I walk in the rain late at night, with no one else under my sight. It is peaceful and soothing to my mind and soul.

I cannot stop not thinking. There is a roaring ocean of thoughts in my mind. As I keep walking, I hear the sound of freedom. Freedom from the past and relief from the present moment. Sometimes I am just in need of a break, some time devoted solely to myself; let’s say a splash of ice cold water thrown to my face to have my eyes widely opened to the real world.

The real world is not necessarily a world where you are absent from at the current moment, it is a world of continuous discovery for me , with a plethora of patience and acceptance.I don’t always understand myself to be honest; my reasoning, needs, desires or motives. I just know that whatever I do or engage myself into, needs to ultimately make me happy.

And I can sense that right away… the feeling of pure happiness can come easily and disappear easily. I am trying to escape from this phenomenon of “come and go”. A reason for that is because I want and need balance in my life, balance and alignment. Things would be going greatly long-term if I stick to this concept and most probably for you too.

Don’t lie to yourself or cheat on yourself… you don’t need chaos in your life, do you? You probably want assurance and a guarantee that things are for sure going the direction that you want. If they are not, let’s say something is constantly nagging you and bothering your mind, you have two options: you either change something or ignore the situation. And remember, putting yourself first doesn’t make you stubborn, it just makes you self-aware and self-loving.

I am gazing on the window as it is pouring cats and dogs and then I see a reflection of myself… I see a happy face and that’s assuring me that I am just well.