Lonely crowd

Sometimes it feels like I am living two different worlds: a natural world in which I own the power and control,I keep on blossoming , I have my true friends by my side and I know my way in life; the other one is still my natural world, but it is a fake natural world. I pretend that I have everything under control and that I am strong and able to put up with any sort of things, but in actual fact, it proves the contrary. The most annoying thing is that I am a perfectionist and I want to make everyone happy and satisfied. It is indeed challenging to play such a role, especially because you have to play a role and not be yourself, right? I am tired of hiding my true feelings and saying that everything is alright when it’s not... I am tired of having to change my emotions so fast and then switching to a completely different emotion... I am tired of being tired and I want itto stop. So how can I do that? After all, every action u take, every move u make, the path u decide to go in life, the words u utter... everything has its consequences, so we shall think twice before acting. Sometimes I think it does me well to act because I have a better overview of what sort of people like me, what is expected from me, in which social category I fit in, what impressions people make about me and so on... But the most important thing that I have yet to discover is to what extent people can accept me with my positively vibrant weirdness... what are those limits? So far, I know the answer: being natural is what makes people adore you more, no matter how crazy or boring you are ( which is not my case haha). But yeah, it feels good to know you have friends who will stick by you no matter what. I will continue acting though cause when I find myself in a different environment with new people and new places, I can be whoever I wanna be, cause nobody knows anything about me, right? And when I know the time is right and that the friendship circle I chose to be in is right, I shall unveil my true identity that few people see: crazy, extremely funny and loud, terrifyingly positive, loyal and NATURAL.