Neutral

I go to sleep peacefully, waiting patiently for the next day to surprise me.

Why surprise? Because I have learnt that every day is different and anything that you'd least expect can potentially occur, predicting either good vibes or less good vibes.

I wake up gently early in the morning, I look on my phone (bad habit which I must break urgently), gaze on the window, look in the mirror, wash my face with cold water and lie in bed still for a couple of minutes, contemplating.

I don't quite feel anything... no feeling of joy or of sorrow; no trace of enthusiasm or of apathy; no sign of companionship or of loneliness... I just feel empty for no reason, more like neutral.

Maybe you should revise your morning routine, spend more time with yourself in the morning and enjoy the little things once being awake: the sun, the clouds, the refreshing smell of coffee, the splash of cold water in your face, the sound of birds chirping and the wind rustling and lastly, a blurry distorted image of you.

If only there was a "you".

Truth is, I design my own bubble of life in the way that I desire, taking form of a perfect imaginary life to a certain extent, that I wish I had. Don't you find it odd yourself how we always seem to strive for the things that we cannot have or simply do not exist in real life? Don't you find it disturbingly upsetting how often we complain about trivial things without even there being a reason of complaint? How about us being so picky about certain life choices we make that we cannot even easily reach a wise conclusion that suits us best after all?

This is me being complicated and always complicating things...

This is the generation of today who somehow forgot how to enjoy life as it is, having an inexplicable thirst for copying the others- the urge to keep up with the Joneses

This is love nowadays which is not real love as it once was- just a series of mind games to supposedly test each other's feelings

This is trust nowadays which is so hard to earn- unless one is trustworthy from the very beginning and will end up with their expectations crashed down very easily

This is people nowadays speaking up their minds too openly without realising the potential harm their words might do to someone else

This is people nowadays ignoring their feelings and not being honest with themselves by accepting the feelings they have for someone else

This is today's mentality of destroying what is pure and beautiful

This is today's mentality to be in a continuous competition with one another on all levels, instead of there being a mutual encouragement for everyone to succeed in the same way

This is today's trend to pretend one is friendly and caring, but instead gossip behind your back

This is me again always overthinking and caring too much...

I sit silently in bed, refusing to leave it and slowly falling asleep again. I check my phone again for new updates and messages. None.

My mom is calling me. I am consciously aware of her calls and still choose to ignore them. I choose to wrap myself in a blanket of not loneliness, but neutrality.

I spontaneously get out of bed and make myself a warm cup of tea. Then I realise that I did have the strength to rise from the bed after all given my neutral state of mind.

What was that though?

The thought that there is also the day of tomorrow...